Hey, so, I’ve been gone for a while.
Well, not really gone-gone. Just gone from the online scene. I’ve still been living my life. I just haven’t been doing it online. And I haven’t been showing up regularly for you – my audience member – during this hiatus.
Maybe you noticed. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you cared. Maybe you didn’t.
While you don’t need to know the whole story of where I’ve been and why, the thing you DO need to know is – I’m back.
I. Am. Back.
I’m back on the scene. I’m back to share. I’m back to serve. I’m back to share and serve in different ways than before, which has me feeling so aligned and sooo excited.
But I’ll get there. I’ll tell you everything that’s ahead in the days to come.
For now, just for those of you who did notice I was gone and for those who did care, I’d like to share with you where I’ve been and why.
Not to excuse my absence.
Not to justify it.
Not to drum up validation from you.
I need none of those things. Truly – and we’ll get to this – I’ve learned and am practicing to not care one little bit how this message is received by you.
I’d like to share because I have a feeling – a deep knowing – that this part of my journey I’m about to share with you holds keys to unlocking something within both of us, you and me. You, as the observer. Me, as the observed.
I’d also like to share because I’m ready to move on. And to move on – to finally re-enter this online space that I’ve come to hate and love and swear off and come running back to – I must start somewhere.
So, I’m choosing to start here. To tell you where the heck I’ve been for the past four months.
And then, I’m hoping, we can both move on and into a feel-good online existence with each other again.
Okay. Here goes.
I left the online scene at some point in April 2020. Stopped podcasting. Stopped publishing blog posts. Stopped posting on social media. Stopped checking social media altogether. Even had a few weeks there when I didn’t respond to emails. Hundreds of them. Just didn’t respond.
Where the heck was I and what was going on?
The answers to those questions really start back in August of 2019. A whole year ago.
I was flying HIGH. I was traveling, going to retreats, going on vacation, making progress in my business, feeling so happy and aligned.
I launched the Expanded Version of the Marketing Personality Type Full Reports. Remember that? You die-hards out there do. And I had my best month ever for Marketing Personalities. I felt like I had so much momentum and support behind me. I had all these plans for the months to come and boundless energy to implement those plans.
October 1, 2019.
My world, as I knew it, changed. Out of nowhere, someone in my closest circle of business friends got Capital-C-Cancelled online. #CancelCulture at its finest/worst. Being that I was tagged in a number of her posts and linked on her website, I somehow came under fire too. I still don’t know how or why they singled me out to attack, but they did.
In about four hours, social media went from a pretty fun, encouraging, empowering place to be to THE scariest place on the planet. Up until this point, I conceptually knew people hated on other people on the internet, but I had never been involved in anything like that. The worst I had ever gotten was maybe an email that said something like, “This product is shit. I want my money back.” And even then I’d cower in the corner for a few hours and second-guess my whole business model. And I never received any hate on social.
A thick Internet skin? Nope, that I did NOT have.
After a few days of nonstop social media hate, thousands of unfortunate DMs, and my website being hacked…
Things died down and I attempted to move on.
I felt devastatingly misunderstood throughout the entire experience. After all, I hadn’t posted, supported, or done anything wrong. The internet mob just saw me as a target because of association.
But since it didn’t actually have anything to do with me, shouldn’t I be able to just duck my head for a few days and then get right back to normal life?
Except, that’s not how things panned out.
November 2019 to February 2020.
I went into a deep, hidden depression. I shared this with no one, but having been through bouts of depression many times before in my life, I felt I knew what I was dealing with.
In short, I was shook. The reality of what happened in October consumed me. I felt that I had almost lost my entire business – my entire livelihood. I felt intensely scared of social media and the monsters I now knew lurked within. And my business support network began to break down in response to what happened in October.
So, I hid.
Yes, I published new content during this time. I was still technically “showing up” but half-heartedly. Quarter-heartedly is more like it, if that’s a thing.
I simply went through the motions, energetically detached from everything and everyone.
It was during this time a brand new opportunity showed up in my inbox. Unexpectedly, a small-but-mighty company with a great reputation in their industry reached out to see if I’d be interested in taking a job in their Marketing Department.
Digital Content Marketing Manager would be my title and every single word of the job description basically screamed, “Brit, this is exactly what you’re best at! This is made for you!”
Having not looked for a job in over eight years and having not logged into my LinkedIn account in at least two, it’s safe to say this opportunity took me by surprise.
I wasn’t looking for a job. I didn’t want a job. I’m an entrepreneur, not an employee. I run a business.
But. But that business was slowly sucking the life out of me.
I felt hesitant, scared, and so tired of everything I was doing in my business when this job offer slid into my inbox. So I took an interview. And then a few more. Still not convinced this was the right move for me, but truthfully open to what it may have in store.
In the midst of interviews, I went on a writing retreat with my two closest business friends. We had two and a half days of pure writing to focus on and I had a feeling that surrounded by their supportive energy, I’d gain clarity about my next best step. To take the job or not?
By the end of our week together, I had written a lot, cried a lot, admitted my depression, and realized that while it hadn’t been what I was consciously looking for, taking this job was exactly my next best step.
I was sure that I could take this job and keep up with my business. The distraction could be helpful, really. And who knew what I could learn and grow in with this new opportunity?
March 30, 2020.
I start my new full-time, remote job as Digital Content Marketing Manager, feeling completely aligned and exactly where I needed to be.
Things were off to a great start. I fell into a rhythm at my new job easily and quickly. And I even wrote and published a few high-quality pieces of content for Marketing Personalities that month. I wasn’t as consistent as I had hoped I’d be, but overall, things were looking up.
My job responsibilities started heating up. The company was launching stuff and I was inundated with work. With so much to do, I found it difficult to prioritize my business. I didn’t publish anything new on my blog or social media the entire month.
May 12, 2020.
I find out I’m pregnant. SURPRISE!
May 24, 2020.
24/7 intense nausea settles in for the long haul and holds on to me until early August.
Between the most intense and consistent nausea and fatigue I’ve ever experienced and lots and lots of work needing to be done by me and only me, I continued to slip farther and farther from my business. It wasn’t even on the back burner anymore. At this point, it was off the stove and thrown out into the yard for the birds.
This was when I began to feel intense misalignment. Misalignment in my emotions, my energy, my body. Everything.
Something was definitely off. And it was not just the hormones*.
*The Patriarchy loooves to blame shit on our “hormones,” ladies, and I’ve come to learn in the last few months that our hormones don’t make us different from the person we actually are. They only enhance what was already there. They’re our superpower, not what makes us “crazy.”
I had a deep sense of awakening during June that feels difficult to explain, especially now that I’m trying to type it all out.
The main point of this time was… I had felt aligned before and now I felt intensely misaligned. The feeling was so intense it consumed me and I sought out every way possible to understand what was at the root of this misalignment. Was it the job? Did I just need a day off? Did I need a week off? What the hell was this?
I’ll cut to the chase – I put my two-week notice in on July 2nd. My last day was July 17th. I invested three and a half months of my time at this job that at one time felt divinely meant for me and just as quickly became exactly what I needed to release.
Why? How? How could I take this big job and then quit 3 months later?
I did this because I realized where the misalignment stemmed from. While I had thought I had taken the job for the money and the security, I realized that I had taken it for the money, the security, AND the escape. The escape from that which was scaring the shit out of me. I was running away from something.
And as I ran, two of my top personal values got trampled on – my time freedom and my autonomy.
With every day in this job, I ran from my biggest opportunity for personal growth – the opportunity to face my fears and work through them. And I completely lost my time freedom and my ability to make a decision on my own – two things I’ve always valued but had taken for granted while I had them as a full-time entrepreneur.
I finally saw this clearly once I chose to get super honest with myself.
So, I quit. Then I took a week-long vacation at the lake, sporting my then-15-week baby bump. Then I took another week to take it easy and flow – rather than jump headfirst – back into my business.
And now here we are in August. It’s been about 4 months since you’ve heard from me. And about 10 months since you’ve heard from the real me.
I hired an intuitive coach back in July to help me face my fears of re-entering this online scene and to say that’s been a great investment of my time and money would be a gross understatement.
Through my willingness to finally look with clear eyes at what went down almost a year ago and what transpired thereafter, I have experienced incredible healing.
I’m no longer scared. I’m grateful for what happened in October. Immensely grateful.
And so now…
I’m back to create high-quality content for you.
I’m back to encourage and empower you to embrace #marketingthatfeelsgood.
I’m back to be a bright spot on the internet and on social. #canigetanamen
And soon, I’ll have something brand new for you to sink your teeth into. Hint: You + Me + Marketing + Personalities + Other Humans.
Oh and, at the time this goes live, I’m 19 weeks pregnant. Baby is all good. Mama (that’s me) is taking it day by day. Thankfully, very little nausea now with only a bit of random fatigue. Looking forward to our 20-week anatomy scan next week, but no peeking! We’re not finding out the gender. I don’t feel ready to share a bump pic yet but when I do, yes, yes, you’ll see it.
I didn’t mention this sooner because, let’s be honest, who needs a reminder? But amidst this journey I’ve been on with my business, my career, my fears, and now my identity as a mom… the entire human race has been experiencing a global pandemic.
You’ll see me on social and in your inbox (if you’re subscribed) more regularly from here on out.
I have something new to offer you coming in late September.
And I’ll be back shortly to show you how I intend to market my business from here on out – as an ENFJ, as a sometimes-introvert, and as someone who’s learned a lot about herself in the last year.